Ravin' With Gas!

(This is a Something Awful ICQ prank, I lol'd.)

Raver - hey

Raver - whas

Raver - whas up??

Lowtax - Hello friend!

Raver - hey! Whasup??

Lowtax - Just chillin', kickin' the fly pill with my homies, you know!

Raver - kewl. what music u like?

Lowtax - Acid goa techstep happy harcore

Raver - Kewl, like Orbiral and Chemical brocts?

Lowtax - YEAH, just like Chemical Brocts!

Raver - u have a homepage?

Lowtax - Not right now, I'm trying to reserve www.gas4uonline.com for my business.

Raver - what do u do?

Lowtax - I sell gasoline online. We ship diesel, unleaded, regular, and premium right now to anywhere in the US. Soon we'll ship to Canada!

Raver - wow, online? You have youre own buisness?

Lowtax - Yup, we started a couple months ago. I "found" a bunch of barrels of gas, and now I sell it online. You know, in case your car breaks down, you just punch in my web address and we'll FedEx the gas to you ASAP! We're the only business that does this!

Raver - woah kewl, u make a lot of money with this?

Lowtax - Hell yeah, everybody needs gas! If the new governmental bill I sponsered passes, I'll soon be REAL rich!

Raver - Can I help? I know a bit of HTML, I can make your webpage?

Lowtax - You know how to make the color red?

Raver - yeah
Lowtax - Oh, neat, I might take you up on that offer later. Do you know how to make text flash and scroll to the right and make 2 meg animated pictures I can put on the page? I want a pic of a guy pumping gas and then the gas goes into a telephone line and the gas grows wings and flies around and goes into this guy's computer and into his car and then I want his car to get this big smile and the guy says "Thanks Gas 4 U Online! You saved my car and my marriage!"

Raver - hmm, might be hard, Im not that good of a artist/

Lowtax - You can use the Photoshop lens filter effect too. AND a motion blur

Raver - I dont have photshop, just Painshop

Lowtax - Oh, you use "Painshop"?

Raver - yeah

Lowtax - Sounds dangerous! You ever wake up with scars and bleeding?

Raver - huh? No!!!

Lowtax - I do! ALmost every day!

Raver - Why?

Lowtax - Probably because all the gasoline we're storing in my apartment. We got barrels and barrels of the shit laying around everywhere. Plus my windows don't want to open all the way, so the fumes just knock me on my ass. I got a memory problem sometimes, I tend to repeat myself and forget stuff.

Raver - cant u find another place to store it?/

Lowtax - Probably because all the gasoline we're storing in my apartment. We got barrels and barrels of the shit laying around everywhere. Plus my windows don't want to open all the way, so the fumes just knock me on my ass. I got a memory problem sometimes, I tend to repeat myself and forget stuff.

Raver - what?

Lowtax - we cant store the shit anywhere else, I cant be seen moving this stuff anywhere else I might have the authorities putting me down, you know?

Raver - fucking cops. ive had enough problems with the police Before.

Lowtax - Fucking cops! They're putting my ass down!

Raver - yeah, they should fuck off. I almost got busted at a Prodigy concert becuase I was drinking vodka.

Lowtax - They had NO RIGHT to bust you!

Raver - no shit, I was just haveing fun!!!

Lowtax - WERD

Raver - yeah

Lowtax - if you design my webpage, you gotta make a petition people can sign so it will help that bill I made for Congress pass?

Raver - woah, u in congress?

Lowtax - No, you dont have to be in Congress to sponser a bill.

Raver - Oh...

Lowtax - It's Bill P4KCH 0013 if you want to look it up in the governmental archives. I'm trying to make it so the government installs a Romero Pipe Outlet in every new apartment and housing complex.

Raver - What's that?

Lowtax - A Romero Pipe Outlet is basically a big pipe like for water or waste or electricity or heat. But instead of carrying those, it will transport my gasoline to everybody's house, and come out their computer. Then, we people want to fill up their car, all they have to do is connect their car to their computer and viola, it's full of gas! You won't have to leave your house or anything?

Raver - kewl idea I could make a good picture of that, some guy sitting at hiss computer an his car is being refuled. I guess there's a pump you attach to your computer and car? I can draw that too.

Lowtax - Yeah, we've got a PCI card you plug into your computer that you hook the pipe into. I can send you some schematics if you want.

Raver - ok, that might make drawing the picture easier. What colors u want the page?

Lowtax - Pink and green. That's our colors. Put everything in +5 font too, because a lot of our customers might be old, and they can't see as well.

Raver - black text?

Lowtax - Pink and green. That's our colors. Put everything in +5 font too, because a lot of our customers might be old, and they can't see as well.

Raver - Huh? what color text you want?

Lowtax - Pink and green. That's our colors. Put everything in +5 font too, because a lot of our customers might be old, and they can't see as well.

Raver - yeah but waht color text u want? Im putting in it Anrial.

Lowtax - I love Anrial! Make it all in Anrial with Painshop, that would be excellent!

Raver - kewl , Ill do this for free, but if you like it and want me to do more, Im going to charge u since its for a buisness.

Lowtax - What font are you going to do it in?

Raver - Ariel.

Lowtax - Cool.

Lowtax - Did I ever tell you the story about how I came up with the idea for Gas 4 U Online?

Raver - nope!!!

Lowtax - It was Halloween and I was driving my brand new Corvette to my next door neighbor's Christmas party, when all of a sudden the Chevy ran out of gas and I had to walk to the nearest auto shop, which was 38 miles away! That night I was thinking, you know, I had my laptop there the whole time! If there was some place I could've ordered gasoline online, I would've made it home just fine!

Raver - woah, that sucks!

Lowtax - Yeah, you ever have your car run out of gas?

Raver - nah, I dont have a car, but my friends did.

Lowtax - Woah, that sucks!

Raver - it did, we had to walk.

Lowtax - It wouldn't have happened if Gas 4 U Online was up!

Raver - But we didn't have a computer in the car.

Lowtax - You dont need a computer, you just need to get on the Internet!

Lowtax - Hey, what font are you going to put the webpage in?

Raver - Airel

Lowtax - Can you make it +5 font size? You know, for the old people who cant see.

Raver - sure but thats big.

Lowtax - Just use Painshop!

Lowtax - Can you embed a song by the Chemical Brocts? They're the best!!!

Raver - yeah, i gotta make the webpages in a webpage program, you use hotdog?

Lowtax - Nah, I use AOL, you know, Information Superhighway and all.

Raver - haha, AOL

Lowtax - SHUT UP, AOL will power my business to success, I can choose 18 screen names. Normally I can only choose 7, but I hacked it and now I have 18 different screen names.

Raver - why do u use AOL?

Lowtax - I am going to bundle my Gas 4 U online software with AOL trial CDs so people will get 2 gallons of free gas when they subscribe.

Raver - ohhhhhhhhh, kewl.

Lowtax - Do you know any celebrities that will endorse Gas 4 U Online? I need some celebrities.

Raver - hmm, no, sorry

Lowtax - I know that fat guy from "Head of the Class", Dennis Blunden I think. But he's doing sock commercials in Taiwan now, so he can't do it. You know what the name of the kid who was FRed Savage's friend in "The Wizard" was?

Raver - who?

Lowtax - The kid that scored 50,000 points on Ninja Gaiden.

Raver - never heard of that, I don't know.

Lowtax - Hey, do you know what the name of the kid who was Fred Savage's friend in "The Wizard" was?

Raver - no, I dont know that, u know nething about frames?

Lowtax - Yeah, green on the left frame, pink on the right.

Raver - huh?

Lowtax - +5 point font on the right too. You can make that easily in Painshop.

Lowtax - Hey, scratch that animated gif idea, can you program in Flash?

Raver - no, not yet why?

Lowtax - I want you to make a game where you have to control the gasoline through a series of pipes and tunnels and get from our building to your car! It'd be way cool, and there'd be hair clogs and rust and fat and bird and pidgeons and gum and clogs and rust and fat that would block the pipes and try to stop you!

Raver - woah, thats to hard for me! I can just use art programs, I dont have Flash or NEthing

Lowtax - And there will be this fat guy who laughs and shoots candy at you through a vaccuum tube that's implanted in his brain. His name will be "CyberJim Bagleaducia" and he'll have 500 hit points. How good are you at programming AI?

Raver - AI???

Lowtax - Yeah, you'll need a full 3D engine too, maybe see if you can get a warez version of the Omen engine from Bioware? Its easy to crack, use L33TW4R3Z 500 nfo crack. You got an ISA transformer for the RDRAM?

Raver - whoa, hold on a sec

Lowtax - Can you program in surround sound? I want support for A3D and Creative Labs. Oh, I'll need a database done too for all the people who buy gas. And a secure server for credit card transactions, do you know any people with one of those?

Raver - hey hold on, i was just going to do HTML!!!

Lowtax - Use Cold Fusion and make it all a dynamic database.

Raver - what/??

Lowtax - and in +5 font. Anrial.

Raver - never mind, I dont know what your talking about!!

Lowtax - It's +5 font for the old people! They cant see too well...

Raver - I KNOW THAT!!!!!

Lowtax - Fine then! No free gas for you!

Raver - i dont even have a car!!!

Lowtax - AND YOU'RE NEVER GONNA GET ONE WITH THAT ATTITUDE!!!

Raver - WTF????!?

Lowtax - You just lost yourself a sale, mister!

Raver - IM NOT SELLING NETHING!!!!!!!!!!

Lowtax - AND IT'S GONNA STAY THAT WAY IF YOU KEEP ACTING THIS WAY!

Raver - WHATEVER DUDE!!!!

Lowtax - Is it too late to ask if you want to cyber?

Raver - WHAT?????

That took way too long to read. :(

'Twas pretty funny, though.